I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
