dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
