I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
