I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize