my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
