Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
