When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i have two assholes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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