Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
