i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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