If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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