Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
