In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
