U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
