By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
