I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
