Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
