Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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