But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
