I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
