Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
