i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
