Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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