You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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