Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
