All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
