I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
