i think my mom watched the whole time
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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