he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
