how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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