so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
