he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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