Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
