This dress was meant to end up on your floor
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
