on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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