the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
