white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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