I cockslap morals
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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