i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
