youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
