My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
