Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
