your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
