Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
