I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
