this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
