i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
