I think I won the penis lottery.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
