My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
