in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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