Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
