Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize