I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
