I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
