I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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