i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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