I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
