if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
