I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
