i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
