I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
