Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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