When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
