He told me they were just razor bumps!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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