Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
