I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
