i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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