I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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