I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
