i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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