his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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