3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
