I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is wine microwaveable?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
