Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
